Recently, I have been seriously concerned about my health.
That is a symptom of bipolar disorder.
What is bipolar disorder?
A representative disorder among mood disorders
A personality disorder characterized by alternating episodes of elated mood (mania) and depressed mood (depression).
I took a self-assessment for bipolar disorder.
If there are more than seven, it is recommended to seek psychiatric counseling.
I am eligible for as many as 8.
I didn't realize at first that I had bipolar disorder, but it turns out I do.
My mood keeps going back and forth between feeling extremely good and feeling bad.
Especially when things don't go my way, I get extremely angry.
Even then, if the problem is resolved smoothly, they get so happy that they jump around excitedly.
I've been like this for quite a long time, and it hasn't been fixed.
Especially, this issue is that these symptoms suddenly appear in human relationships.
I don't feel this way towards acquaintances I'm not close with.
Having even a slight disagreement or conflict with close friends or acquaintances
When a situation arises that deviates from my plan
I'm extremely angry and suddenly feel endlessly depressed.
Then, at some point, I feel uplifted again and get excited, chatting with friends and so on.
<Manic symptoms>
My manic symptoms include suddenly feeling elevated without any reason.
Ordinary people usually have something joyful or celebratory happening.
When there's something that makes you happy according to your own standards, you feel better, right?
However, I do not know the reason.
Actually, there is nothing joyful or happy.
Suddenly, I feel like I can do anything and I am full of motivation.
When I talk with acquaintances, I tend to speak quickly, so they tell me to slow down a bit.
I want to say all the thoughts that are currently in my mind at once.
Not only do I speak faster, but I also tend to speak without organizing my thoughts properly.
Did you eat something bad today?
Why are you like this today?? Did you get a bonus or something?
Why are you acting so scary?
Calm down a bit and let's talk.
With this kind of reaction, I never know when I might become depressed again, so they keep an eye on me.
Because I have mood swings like a ticking time bomb
There are many people around me who feel uncomfortable.
Another problem is that on days when I feel that good, I can't sleep.
I want to sleep, but I keep wanting to do something.
I want to go outside and play on that dark dawn.
I have to go to work the next day, so I should sleep quickly.
I get excited alone and go for a dawn walk.
Even though it is risky and it severely affects the next day's work
Walking alone until 3 a.m. or coming back
I asked a friend nearby to come out, chatted until dawn, and then went home.
Even though I wrote this much because I couldn't fully express it in words
My condition is really... I have no words.
Even when I write it out, I don't know why I behave that way myself.
< Symptoms of Depression >
Once, I was working on something with a tablet.
My husband showed me the video he was watching next to me.
They told me to look at this and that, and they showed me.
But I'm doing something right now, and you keep saying look at this, look at that.
I momentarily got angry and scolded my husband harshly...
I was definitely working happily.
After getting angry, I felt incredibly depressed and suddenly started crying.
Why does my husband find it ridiculous that I get angry and then cry?
I felt a strange, indescribable feeling because my emotions were fluctuating.
And lately, I've been feeling very lethargic and weak.
I don't feel any motivation at all.
I was feeling good, but suddenly while talking with a friend...
If things don't go the way I envisioned or if I feel disappointed, then...
Most people would just brush it off and move on.
I can't just accept that and become endlessly depressed.
I become so sensitive that I even consider cutting ties with that acquaintance.
Suddenly, I started crying and I can't control my emotions, so I'm having a hard time.
What am I living for right now?
There is no one around me.
Can I be happy?
Everyone else seems happy, so why am I the only one so unhappy?
I get depressed alone and end up ghosting even the acquaintances I usually keep in touch with for at least two days...
In serious cases, they change their number and completely disappear.
Yesterday, I even heard this from an acquaintance.
Few people can truly handle your personality.
Unless your mind is disturbed or you're meeting someone to take advantage of you
I don't think there's anyone attached to you.
Even if we're close, I'll leave you right after I use you.
They said something like this...
Hearing this kind of thing makes me feel endlessly depressed again.
I didn't want to contact anyone, and I also felt a sense of emptiness, wondering if I had wasted my life.
Because of bipolar disorder, I end up causing trouble for the people around me.
I am engaging in behaviors that imprison myself.
I am really 고민이 많습니다.
Should I go to the hospital with this level of symptoms?
Lately, it has become worse, and my worries are increasing.
I'm 고민 about how to treat and overcome it...
