*Gently Saying No: The 7 Best Excuses Recommended by Psychologists

➊ "I'll think of another way."

This statement deviates from all expected reactions such as rejection, acceptance, or avoidance. It is truly a perfectly ambiguous response. The other person may feel frustrated, but it is difficult to suggest an alternative. In psychology, this is called the theory of reciprocal altruism. It is hard to see someone who says they like the proposal but are facing difficulties and are looking for alternatives as making excuses. It gives the impression of a polite person who is also tactful while politely declining.

 

Next time for sure!

Showing the potential of the future makes rejection easier to accept. This is because humans tend to evaluate situations more positively when thinking with a future-oriented mindset. Directly comparing "this time" and "next time" doubles the effect. "I really can't find the time this time, but let's definitely meet next time." If rejection is perceived as a short-term situation, it can also reduce the hurt experienced by the other person.

 

"➌ 'I don't know well'"

Humans have an instinct to avoid uncertainty. Thanks to this, saying "I don't know" when asked for a favor acts as a very effective way to decline. The shorter and clearer, the better. Saying "I decline" makes the other person want to resolve my refusal attitude, but saying "I don't know" makes them think they need to find someone else.

 

"➍ It takes a little time."

This is a well-known effective rejection phrase. According to cognitive dissonance theory, humans tend to adjust when the other person feels burdened by their request. It is more effective to make the other person infer my hardship rather than directly refusing. When a boss immediately assigns a lot of work upon arrival, say, "Yes, I understand. However, it might take a long time. Can I request overtime today?" This creates a natural and effective rejection.

 

5. "I'm not ready."

From a psychological perspective, the most commonly used excuses are actually the most natural ones. Preparing for marriage, changing jobs, speaking up, accepting one's age... No matter what kind of preparation is lacking, it always works. This is due to Self-Determination Theory. According to research, opinions that emphasize readiness and demand autonomy in decision-making tend to be more respected. Even without detailed explanations of the situation or estimates of how long it will take to be ready, the result remains the same. Saying "I'm not ready" unconsciously signals to others to respect one's autonomy, and at the same time, it acts as a magical phrase that helps others understand you.

 

"It is beyond my ability."

You might think, "Should I find an excuse to refuse by belittling my abilities?" but it is effective. According to boundary-setting theory, an attitude that acknowledges one's limitations provides psychological stability to the other person. It even leaves an impression of being honest and trustworthy. Even if the other person belittles your abilities after you refuse by saying it's beyond your capacity, there's no need to worry. It's proof that the other person is stingy.

 

➐ "There is not enough time"

If external reasons are given, the other party tends to accept rejection less personally and instead shows an attitude of understanding. This is based on attribution theory, and the most effective keyword is indeed time. It is a universal reason that everyone can empathize with and a very practical issue.

 

Source: GQ

 

*Haha, I am good at refusing.

There's no need to force yourself to accept something you dislike.

I think you are appropriately using the seven items above, assuming they are not there. Sometimes, you also need to refuse when necessary~~~