😨 Conversation methods that ruin children

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The communication methods that can ruin a child refer to words and attitudes that can negatively impact a child's self-esteem, emotional development, and social skills. The following are typical examples and their associated problems.

1. Negative language and criticism

- Example: "Why can't you do that either?", "You're always like that!"

- Issue: It lowers children's self-esteem and causes them to perceive themselves as incompetent. They may lose self-efficacy and become passive toward new challenges.

- Alternative: Instead of pointing out mistakes, work together to find ways to improve, and acknowledge the effort and process.

 

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2. Comparative words

- Example: "Some people are so good at this, why can't you do it?", "Your older/younger sibling is good at it, why can't you be too?"

- Issue: It instills a sense of inferiority in children and turns relationships with siblings or peers into a competitive situation. This leads to decreased self-esteem and anxiety.

- Alternative: Recognize your child's unique strengths and provide feedback focused on personal growth.

 

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3. Excessive command and control

- Example: "Do as I say!", "Stop right now!"

- Issue: It hinders the development of children's autonomy and independence. Their ability to judge and make decisions on their own may decline.

- Alternative: It is better to give children the opportunity to choose for themselves through explanation and conversation rather than commands.

 

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4. Words that ignore or suppress emotions

- Example: "Don't cry!", "Why are you angry about that?", "You're just sensitive."

- Issue: Children may deny their own emotions, leading to difficulties in expressing feelings. In the long term, this can cause emotional suppression and stress.

- Alternative: Empathize with your child's feelings and use empathetic expressions like "That can happen" or "You must have been very upset."

 

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5. Unrealistic expectations and pressure

- Example: "I have to be number one this time.", "I must pass no matter what."

- Issue: Excessive expectations cause anxiety and stress, leading to great frustration when failure occurs. Children feel more anxiety than the joy of achievement.

- Alternative: Praise effort and process rather than results, and set goals that respect your child's abilities and pace.

 

6. Excessive joking and mockery

- Example: "You really have no answer." , "Why are you so careless?"

- Issue: Children may not take their parents' jokes as jokes and may develop a habit of belittling themselves. They can genuinely accept their parents' jokes.

- Alternative: When using humor, be careful not to hurt your child's pride, and express it in a positive way.

 

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7. Indifferent and neglectful attitude

- Example: "Do it your way.", "I'm busy, let's talk later."

- Issue: Children may feel emotionally isolated and give up on seeking help from their parents. Over time, their bond with their parents weakens.

- Alternative: Listen attentively to your child's stories and respond actively when they ask for help. Even a short amount of time spent sincerely together is important.

 

8. Words that present love as conditional

- Example: "If you do well on the test, mom will love you.", "If you listen well, I'll like you."

- Issue: Children may perceive love as conditional, leading them to suppress themselves or try excessively in order to gain their parents' love.

- Alternative: Always express unconditional love even if your child makes mistakes. Phrases like "Mom always loves you whether you do well or not" are more effective.

 

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9. Threatening and Intimidation

- Example: "If you don't do this, you'll get in trouble!", "If you do that, I'll leave it behind."

- Issue: Children may feel fear and anxiety, relying on or being afraid of their parents. This can damage the trust relationship.

- Alternative: Instead of negative outcomes, suggest positive alternatives, and calmly explain the reasons and consequences of the incorrect behavior.

 

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10. Words that directly pour out a parent's emotions

- Example: "Mom is having a hard time because of you!", "You're the problem!"

- Issue: Children may feel responsible for their parents' emotions and experience guilt. When parents' emotions are transferred to children, it can lead to emotional distress.

- Alternative: Instead of directly expressing your feelings, it is better to communicate with your child by explaining the situation, such as "Mom is a bit tired today."

 

Wrap-up

This way of communication has a significant impact on children's emotional development, self-esteem, and social skills. It is important to recognize the influence of parents' words and actions on their children's growth and to practice positive and supportive communication methods.