Anyone wants to believe they are a good spouse. However, sometimes they may unknowingly behave in ways that hurt their partner's feelings.

 

At first glance, relationships that seem problem-free may gradually weaken in trust and bonds over time. We explore behaviors that unintentionally hurt the other person, ways to improve them, and insights from the American psychology professional media 'Psychology Today'.

 

1. Ignoring the other person's feelings

 

One common mistake in relationships is ignoring the other person's feelings. It's not just about actively dismissing emotions. When the other person shows certain feelings, dismissing them as overreactions by telling them to "calm down," or downplaying their emotions as "nothing serious" or "you're being too sensitive," are subtle ways of behavior that also fall into this category.

If you dismiss the other person's feelings as insignificant, they may feel ignored or that their feelings are not valued. This can lead to feelings of resentment and a reluctance to communicate. If such incidents happen repeatedly, the other person may feel that sharing their true emotions is no longer safe. Eventually, they may stop expressing their feelings altogether and suppress them, possibly seeking someone else who will understand their emotions. As a result, the two people gradually grow apart.

 

Solution = Practice actively listening to the other person's words and expressing empathy. When the other person expresses their feelings, acknowledge them whether you empathize with those feelings or not. It is important to show that you respect their emotions even if you do not fully understand their perspective. It is not crucial to solve the problem on the spot; what matters is being emotionally present and supportive.

 

2. Place yourself at the center of all conversations

 

There are people who steer the conversation back to their own stories every time they talk. Whether intentionally or not, this behavior pushes the other person's needs and interests to the background. As a result, the other person begins to feel that their thoughts and feelings are not very important.

For example, if a spouse talks about the stress they experienced at work, the other person immediately jumps into the conversation and shares their own experiences at the company. If this happens repeatedly, the other person may feel lonely and frustrated. This is because the relationship begins to revolve around only one person, rather than providing emotional support to each other.

 

Solution = Consciously make an effort to balance the conversation. When the other person is speaking, resist the impulse to immediately share your own story. Ask questions, express empathy, and allow the other person to fully explore their thoughts and feelings before sharing your own. Doing so helps the partner feel that their words and experiences are valued and that there is genuine interest. This way, the two people develop a respectful relationship.

3. Constantly bringing up old issues

 

Repeatedly bringing up past grievances and arguing over them also negatively impacts the relationship. Such behavior prevents the relationship from developing and traps it in a vicious cycle of anger and unresolved conflicts. Constantly bringing up old issues sends the message that you haven't truly forgiven the other person. As a result, trust is broken, and you become overly anxious and effortful, fearing being criticized again and trying to avoid mistakes.

 

Solution = Forget the past and focus on the present. If the issue has already been resolved, it is better not to bring it up again whenever there is a disagreement. Instead of always emphasizing emotions, both parties should resolve the problem in a way that heals wounds and promotes growth. If you are having difficulty forgetting past hurts, considering therapy or counseling might be helpful. Forgiveness is not about overlooking wrongdoings once, but about freeing both people from the chains of past pain.

 

 

=============

 

1. Ignoring the other person's feelings
2. Put yourself at the center of all conversations.

3. They keep bringing up old issues.

   Things I already know can become hurtful words to others. But these words can hurt not only my spouse but also others. Words! Words! Words! We need to be more careful with words and actions that can cause pain.