A memory of almost drowning in water... The process of recovering from PTSD.

 

 

Since nearly drowning, I developed PTSD and haven't been able to go near water.

Originally, I was good at swimming and liked water, so it was even harder.

I want to share the process of being able to get closer to water again, which I couldn't look at due to PTSD that developed after the accident.

 

Twenty years ago, I went on an overseas trip with my family.

The sea was blue and clear, and I was able to experience marine sports. I can't remember the name... was it a yacht? It was a boat with a long rope attached, lifting people into the sky like a kite. Since it was a tourist spot, we did it a few times just for fun, gently dropping people into the water. We would slow down a bit to drop them lightly, then speed up again to lift them... that kind of thing.

Everyone in front of me had gradually moved ahead, and since I originally liked water and was good at swimming, I was really looking forward to that moment. It was an experience only possible at a travel destination. I never imagined that I would develop water-related PTSD and have a hard time because of it.

Finally, it was my turn, and as the speed slowed down and I was about to fall, I was excited at that moment— but I was sinking too deeply.

In movies, there's often a scene where someone falls into the water, and the shot shows the sun gradually disappearing above the surface. The surroundings become darker...

You experienced that firsthand.

I suddenly found myself in the dark blue sea.

When I looked up, the sun had shrunk to the size of a fist.

First, I couldn't breathe, the water pressure was pressing down on my body, and the heavy metal weights I had attached to keep my balance were too heavy to lift.

The underwater sea around here was so pitch black...

This is how I was going to die... but then, when the sun became so small, somehow that strength surged from somewhere. I flailed my arms and legs wildly and surfaced.

I barely managed to breathe with my head sticking out, and then other rescue boats and people came and pulled me up.

Since then, I have been suffering from PTSD. I couldn't go into the water.

I love swimming, the sea, and water so much... but I couldn't go to the bathhouse. I thought the floor would turn black and get pulled in.

I went to the neuropsychiatry department and was told I have PTSD. I took medication, but it doesn't seem to be significantly improving the PTSD...

I was so scared that I couldn't even go near the water, and years have passed like that. I used to love water very much... it makes me sad.

I've even become depressed.

So I tried to improve somehow.

We went near the sea with my family, had a meal, and enjoyed the mountain stream... filled with joyful memories.

Still, PTSD doesn't get better easily.

Meditation, breathing, yoga, mindfulness, psychological studies, and so on... I've tried everything that might help with PTSD.

Among them, meditation was the most helpful.

 

 

Breathing and calming down helps to soothe my mind and is beneficial for PTSD.

Even when I see water or do things, I breathe... calming myself down, I felt like I might die from PTSD, but slowly... little by little, I got better.

It's been a long time, but I don't think everything has fully healed.

Even now, when I see water, I hesitate, worried that the dark part might suddenly pull me in. Still, I breathe again... and I feel better.

Even if I want to get rid of PTSD, it just doesn't seem to get better.

Since I was a person who liked water, I felt that way even more. Still, it's getting much better compared to before, so I thought I might be able to help, so I'm sharing it~^^