Three magical keywords to resolve couple conflicts ❤️❤️

Han Seung-min's Guide to Human Relationships

 

Have you ever been told that you are a good speaker? How often do you argue with colleagues at work over disagreements or fight with friends while talking? Most likely, not very often. Unless you have a particularly bad personality, you probably don't frequently get into verbal disputes with others.

 

But why do I argue so often with my spouse? Even if we don't fight seriously, we have disagreements over trivial matters, and small arguments often escalate. Why is that? The reason I got married was surely to love and cherish each other, so how did it come to this?

 

Today, I will answer this question and introduce three magical keywords to help couples better understand each other's feelings and resolve conflicts.

 

You didn't get married to argue, did you?

 

We don't easily argue with colleagues or friends because we don't have high expectations of them. When expectations are not high, disappointments are also not great. However, the same does not apply to a spouse. A spouse is someone very important to me, and therefore, my expectations are also high.

 

With a spouse, I tend to demand that they understand what I am saying immediately. No, I even think they should be able to read my mind without me having to speak. You might have exchanged words like, "Do I really have to say it for you to understand? Isn't it obvious?" However, the reality is different. People often do not understand even when they hear words. Still, we expect our spouses to naturally understand our feelings. When that expectation is not met, the disappointment is great, and that disappointment leads to conflict.

 

So, how should we resolve such conflicts? Here, I want to share three simple yet powerful keywords that you can implement right now.

 

◇First keyword: "I see, that's what you thought"

 

When a couple starts to argue, they first close their ears and open their mouths wider. They are busy only talking about themselves, and before long, their words begin to overlap. When this happens, the conversation is no longer a true dialogue. At such times, what is needed is the very first keyword.

 

I see, that's what you thought.

 

The important thing when saying this is to look into the other person's eyes, speak slowly, and gently. If you say this sentence when the other person is emotionally agitated, a remarkable change occurs. This phrase conveys that you respect their story even if you do not fully understand what they are saying. The other person feels that their message has been conveyed, and the intensity of the argument gradually decreases. Arguments often start from a desperate need to be heard. This short sentence sends a signal that you understand that desperation. And then, conversation becomes possible again.

 

◇ Second keyword: "Yeah, you must have had a good reason for that"

 

There is something more important than listening. It is empathy. When the other person shows anger or disappointment, we tend to become defensive. However, a more effective approach is to acknowledge and empathize with their feelings.

 

"Yeah, I wonder how much you must have been hurting."

 

This one phrase contains the effort to understand the other person's feelings even if I cannot fully grasp them. Even if I cannot know exactly why my spouse is so angry, I acknowledge that there must be a reason for their anger. This sentence is not about asserting pride or arguing. It conveys a message of accepting and empathizing with the other person's feelings as they are. The other person will feel, "They understand that I am struggling," and the fight will gradually subside.

 

◇Third keyword: "Okay, next time I'll try to do better"

 

Some people try to win in a marital fight. They fight with all their might, thinking they must never lose, but rarely does winning make them feel better. Because spouses are not enemies. When partners fight among themselves, both end up hurt. So, what is the way to win in a marital fight? It is to stop the fight first. The true winner is the one who understands the other first and tries to improve the relationship. When your spouse shows disappointing feelings and criticizes, try saying this.

 

"Okay, next time I'll try to do better."

 

This sentence does not mean that you are wrong. It shows respect for the other person's expectations and a willingness to work harder for a better relationship in the future. If you sincerely say these words, it will be difficult for the other person to continue being angry. However, when saying this, it must genuinely come from the heart with the hope that "we can improve." Only then can the true power of this statement be realized.

 

Starting today, I introduced three key words to immediately practice in reducing conflicts. However, simply knowing these words does not mean all problems will be solved. You need to practice in front of a mirror and prepare to communicate sincerely. What kind of mindset should you have? It is exactly this mindset.

 

I know you're having a hard time. I hope you get better. I want us to stop fighting and get along well.

 

When such sincerity is conveyed, magical keywords can deeply touch the other person's heart.

 

To summarize the three key points once again, they are as follows.

 

I see, that's what you thought.

Yeah, you must have had a good reason.

Okay, next time I will do better.

 

Remember these three sentences, and try to create a big change through small actions. I hope many readers will feel the moment when conversations with others become increasingly smoother and warmer.