Choi Yeo-jin: "I endured even when my ex-boyfriend dated other women"... Why do I stay and tolerate a partner's infidelity?

Actress Choi Yeo-jin (40) once witnessed her ex-boyfriend meeting another woman but chose to overlook it.

On the SBS TV variety show 'Shoes Off, Married Men' aired on the 9th, Choi Yeo-jin said, "I have a problem because I endure too much in relationships," and "I once witnessed my partner cheating and chose to forgive him." She continued, "I thought it would be harder to live without him, so I held on," and added, "It was a foolish thing to do. If someone is going to do that, it's better to let them go." Once infidelity begins, there is a risk of it recurring. We explore the reasons for forgiving infidelity and the addiction to cheating.

First, why do we forgive the wind?

People who forgive infidelity tend to have dependent tendencies and have an excessive fear of abandonment anxiety. Alternatively, they may believe that unless they are the ones being cheated on, no one will love them. Gaslighting refers to manipulating the other person's psychology and circumstances to make them doubt themselves, and to control and dominate their mind. To escape from gaslighting, help from a third party is necessary. Someone needs to observe and discuss the situation objectively from an outside perspective. Developing a sense of ownership and independence in one's life through psychotherapy or counseling can also be helpful in trying to break free from the other person.

The wind can be addictive like alcohol and gambling.

When one has an affair, the limbic system involved in emotion, behavior, impulse control, and memory becomes activated, leading to the release of dopamine, desire, and guilt. Guilt is the pleasure felt when violating social taboos or engaging in morally wrong behavior. People addicted to affairs lack the ability to regulate and restrain dopamine. They become addicted to stimulation, which causes problems in the functioning of the prefrontal cortex and cerebral cortex, leading to a lack of patience and decreased ability to recognize guilt and shame. As a result, the brain ceases to perceive reality or think rationally and operates solely based on desire. Ultimately, dependence and craving for the powerful stimulation provided by an affair can lead to repeated infidelity.

Meanwhile, there is also an argument that there is a gene for infidelity. Dr. Justin Garcia from the State University of New York in the United States confirmed that people with the DRD4 gene mutation have experienced more than twice as many inappropriate relationships such as one-night stands, infidelity, and affairs compared to those without it. DRD4 is a gene that affects the level of dopamine hormones, which play a role in transmitting excitement signals in brain nerve cells, and is related to alcohol and gambling addiction. In addition, unhappy childhood experiences such as parental violence, divorce, or the absence of a caregiver can also be causes of infidelity.